For Those Who Never Feel Chosen
I was convinced he didn’t see me. I was sure he actually had a “thing” for one of my roommates.
I was anything but confident, questioning why anyone would be interested in me...if anyone would ever choose me. Oh, you know how dramatic a 19-year old girl with a crush can be, especially if the feelings are unrequited (or thought to be unrequited).
There are a handful of moments in my life that I can pinpoint as clear “before and after” moments. I was one way, thought one way, felt one way; then after something happened, I was different, thought differently, felt differently. The day I got married. The days my children were born—to name a couple of the obvious ones.
And the day I found a letter in my suitcase.
The circumstances surrounding this moment—this letter secretly placed in my suitcase—are complicated and part of a much, much larger story, but, for now, I’ll leave it at this: the letter wasn’t supposed to be there, and I definitely wasn’t expecting it.
Having just gotten home for Thanksgiving break, I was slowly unpacking my suitcase while updating my mom on my first few months in a year-long ministry internship. When I got to the bottom of the suitcase, there it was—a medium-sized envelope, waiting to be opened.
Immediately, I knew what I wanted it to be. I had watched plenty of rom-coms and read plenty of books that fed my overly-romantic and often unrealistic dreams. This felt like one of those scenes in a movie—the music swells, the camera zooms in as I kneel down and pick up the envelope. There was no name, no writing whatsoever on it. Nothing to give me a hint.
I looked at my mom, my heart beating and hands sweating. I remember thinking “Please, please be from him. Please.” I opened the envelope and pulled out the folded paper that had obviously been in a notebook—the broken, torn pieces still attached.
Before I read any of the contents, I flipped the page to the end, the signature. My heart stopped—I’m sure of it—only for a moment. This was it! How often does what we want to happen actually happen? For there at the end of the letter, what I longed and desperately hoped to see was written: his name.
I’m not going to tell you what was in that letter, but trust me when I say it actually met all those hopeful, unrealistic rom-com dreams. My crush—the one I was convinced cared for someone else—felt the same about me as I felt about him. My love (can it be called that at this point?) was not unrequited!
I felt chosen.
Not in some archaic, demeaning way, but in a beautiful, life-changing way. This moment changed everything for me. Knowing he had chosen me, had seen me, had made this kind of move for me, I began to see differently, live differently, hope differently. I wasn’t hidden, overlooked, or any of the other things I thought about myself.
His letter, the first of many, was a turning point. It began something that is still playing out to this day—and hopefully until our final days.
Please understand that I am absolutely leaning into the romantic ideals here, into those feelings of being unworthy, unloved, unchosen as a girl uncertain of how a boy feels about her. I KNOW that him “choosing” me and liking me actually did not change my worth or identity. But I’m hoping that sharing the beginning of our love story and the feelings surrounding the situation reveal something bigger to us about being chosen.
There is power in being chosen, in knowing you are chosen.
Being chosen, living in the confidence of that reality changes a person. That moment becomes a “before and after” moment, a turning point. A tent-pole moment in one’s life.
It’s programmed into us from early childhood to look to other people to be chosen. Whether it’s being chosen as a best friend, a teammate in gym class, a partner on an assignment, a part of the “it” group. The examples could go on.
Here’s some encouraging and life-changing truth for us:
God chose us.
He chose you. He chose me. Not only that but He chose us before the beginning of time! He’s had a plan right from the start, and, amazingly and almost unbelievably, we were chosen to have a part. We were chosen to be a part of His family, to replace our broken and sinful identities with His perfect, wonderful identity—in Christ!
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will…”
Ephesians 1:3-5 ESV
How much more should knowing we are chosen by the Creator of the heavens and earth, the One who holds all of this (the world we see, the things we don’t see, the vastness of the universe around us) together change us? Cause us to live differently, see differently, hope differently? We are not hidden from, unseen by, or insignificant to the One who is big enough to have placed all the stars in the heavens and close enough to count every hair on our heads.
We are seen.
We are chosen.
But let’s not forget why we were chosen or for what we were chosen: “...that we should be holy and blameless before Him” (ESV). We were chosen for a purpose; we were chosen TO something. We were chosen to live in such a way that reveals our status as chosen—as “holy and without fault in His eyes” (NLT).
Holy? How are we to live up to that? That’s a high bar!
The entire Old Testament shows us how mankind was never able to live up to His holiness standards. Year after year, leader after leader, king after king we see the unavoidable mistakes and downfalls of God’s people. But that doesn’t change the truth of these words here in Ephesians 1. It doesn’t change what we were chosen for.
Here’s what does change it (or WHO changes it): Jesus! Jesus changes (changed) everything!
Yes, God chose us even before He made the world. Yes, He chose us to be holy and blameless before Him. But here’s the key: He chose us in Christ. Not only that, but He “decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ” (Eph. 1:5a NLT). He chose us in Christ and through Christ. He decided to bring us into the family through His Son. Jesus makes this possible. From the very beginning, Jesus was the key.
Being chosen in Him, being adopted into the family through Him, signifies a complete identity change. No longer do we belong to the world. No longer does our sin define us, shape us, direct us. No longer do we wonder if we’ll ever be chosen by someone (like my 19-year old self). We are His. We belong to the family of God! The family characteristics and traits are now ours.
Holiness is in our DNA. It’s our heavenly genetics. He chose us, and our response is to live in line with our family standards—through Christ, remembering Him as key, remembering we are seen through Him. He makes the holy living possible, as our example and as our stand in. The least we can do is to try to live in light of that!
We won’t be perfect. We can’t be perfect. But remembering Jesus covers us, that He already made the perfect sacrifice for our sins is the grace He offers us. And we know the Holy Spirit helps us along the way (John 14:16, 26), trusting that when we are weak, He comes in and is our strength (2 Corinthians 12:9). Through Him, we can live as children of God, pleasing to Him. Amen!
And here’s what might be the best news of all: “This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure” (Eph. 1:5b NLT). It gave Him great pleasure to choose us, love us, adopt us. Great pleasure because this was His will, this was His plan!
He didn’t HAVE to choose us. He didn’t have to provide a way to Him through Jesus. He didn’t have to love us. But He did! But He does!
We are chosen. We are loved. No matter who may choose us to be on their team, to work alongside them, to be a part of their friend group—we can have the confidence of knowing we are already chosen. And nothing, no one can compare with whom we have been chosen. Knowing this, digging deep into this truth holds more power than belonging to or with anyone else.
There is power in knowing we are chosen—not because it makes us powerful, but because of who has done the choosing.
My life changed the moment I read the words I longed to see in that letter years ago. Those words filled me with confidence and a sense of belonging. But these words from God, this truth that is all throughout the Word of God has changed me infinitely more!
I am forever chosen.
You are forever chosen.
Now let’s live in light of that!
Thank you, Lord! Praise You for this unbelievable kindness, for your unfathomable love. We are not worthy, Lord, yet You still chose us, loved us, brought us into Your family. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.”
Psalm 63:3-4 ESV
