When I’m 87 Years Old
As she reaches out her tiny, child-like hands, bony and frail, she asks if she can pray for us. We wrap our hands around hers, careful not to crush them, and promptly close our eyes.
“Oh, Father, I pray for my friends today. Fill them with your joy and peace. Help them to know Your love for them,” she prays confidently with a sense of urgency.
My 87-year old grandmother doesn’t have many days left on this side of eternity. While her tired and possibly dementia-ridden mind struggles to remember where she is, who we are, and why she can’t get out of bed, her spirit knows time is short. During our visit with her last week, she proceeded to pray for my husband and me two more times. Always the same words with the same urgency. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t fully remember that we are her family; she would have prayed the same prayer for a stranger.
Affectionately known as ‘Grandma Dee’ to many, the days of greeting everyone (quite literally everyone) with a warm hug and sweet smile may be behind her, but I’m willing to bet the memory of those hugs live on in the lives of the people she touched over the years. At least, I hope so. As we chatted with her, she kept coming back to how important it is to have a happy, ‘thumbs up’ attitude in life. And, yes, she kept popping up her thumb as she said it.
When we walked into her room, I noticed she was talking out loud. I couldn’t hear her words, but I saw her mouth moving. Later in our conversation, she told us she doesn’t watch any TV or listen to music. (Her eyes and ears aren’t what they used to be.) She said she would rather spend her days talking to Jesus. And I realized that must have been what she was doing as we walked into her room—talking to Jesus.
Before we left, we grabbed her hands one more time. This time, however, I spoke the prayer. I asked God to fill her with all peace and joy—the very thing she prayed multiple times over us. And I asked Him to fill the room with His presence, so she would KNOW she was never alone.
As we prepared to leave, I looked her straight in the eyes and told her she was so loved. I reminded her that God is always near and that His love would never fail. Her eyes teared up, and she said she needed to hear that. It was the one lucid moment we had with her. God cut through the fog and confusion like only He could, and I walked away convinced that she heard Him through my words.
God is here, and He loves you.
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Age and being faced with mortality has a way of putting life in perspective, doesn’t it? Over the past few months, I’ve found myself wondering what I will be like when I’m in my 80s. What stories will I repeat over and over? What memories will bring me the most joy and comfort? But most of all, what will I be saying of God…what will my life proclaim about Him?
More than anything, I want to be an 87-year old woman singing praises to my God. I want to be able to sing with my whole heart these words from the song Goodness of God:
All my life you have been faithful
All my life you have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
All my life, Lord, You have been there. And with every breath I have left, I want to praise you, telling EVERYONE about Your goodness.
More than a life filled with the highs of ministry and what the world classifies as success, I want a life filled with steadfast confidence in and love of my ever faithful God. I want a life filled with hidden moments with Him—slow, quiet, ordinary moments. Moments no one else may ever know about. I think maybe, just maybe that would be a life well lived.
Anything else—ministry, success, influence—can only ever be a by-product of those moments. If they ever become the moments I seek after, I pray for wisdom and people in my life to help me be aware of it. God is the goal, the prize—nothing else.
I’ll say the same for you, friend. God is the goal. He is the prize of your life. May you live a full, beautiful life—using every breath to sing of His goodness. Because it’s true: for all your life, God has been faithful and so, so good.
